When you are going through a significant change in life or a major loss - not necessarily the death of a loved one, it could be anything important, such as giving up on the pursuit of your dreams, or a terminal illness, etc., you may become swamped with various emotions. The intensity of those might scare you, and you find yourself in attempts of negotiation with a higher power, or simply with someone who you hope would have some control over the situation. Do you currently concentrate all your energy in finding the possibility of an unusual change?
This stage may occur even before we suffer an actual loss. We start making promises to God, need to talk to the spirits, or use cards to find the answers, and search for anything that could save us and our loved ones from the pain that we'll have to endure.
You may spend days thinking about what you could do, or could have done differently, to avoid the loss. This is a sign of your mind's journey towards acceptance and healing. It may take some time for you to get over this stage, and you may return to it on occasion, or even have it happen in your dreams.
This stage is important as it will eventually lead you towards your moment of acknowledging that you had no power to change the actual situation. The moment of acceptance of your current reality will be sad and exhausting, but it will be the moment when your mind will let you see the facts as they are. With no possibility for twisting the destiny.
We all process grief in a very personal, unique way, and there is no time frame for this stage either, nor the exact sequence of it. You may find yourself experiencing no bargaining stage and still reach the acceptance and calm.
There is a tricky side to bargaining stage of grief. It may drag you towards feelings of guilt and remorse, such as: ' Had I invited him to talk, he wouldn't have died there', or, 'Had I been around her more, she would have been taken care of,' etc. While we believe that we were in power to save the situation, or the person, we let remorse to drag us into deep sadness. I will talk about this in my next blog.
In some situations you may be able to use your bargaining focused on the future. That would be when you acknowledge the inevitable and you pray for a peaceful transition to the other side, or if you are a believer, you can make it a prayer focused on reunion with your loved one when it's your time to pass away.