The echo of your childhood is always present. While you may not notice it, you may in fact be influenced by the child that you have tried to outgrow when growing up. Think about those decisions that you have made, and couldn't quite understand later on why you had taken that decision and not another, perhaps a more suitable one. There are little bits of the little you within yourself that influence you despite your conscious thought of being in charge.
I am not going to talk about this further, just a mention of it so that it can make you think what
The reason I am writing about this is to have you think about your past for a while. The time when you were able to play. Can you remember any of those days? Are you able to revive some of the joyful memories nowadays and permit yourself to play on daily basis? If not, why is it not an option for you anymore? Is your work taking all your positive energy away, and the younger people in your life simply sound too loud for you to mix with them or to try to find a good connection with them?