While we have to pass through the period of adjustment to life that is different and undesirable without our loved one, we still arrive to a point where our life becomes a little calmer and more organized. Our physical vulnerability is less obvious and the depressive thoughts begin to lift up very slightly.
Accepting and understanding the reality of your loss does not mean that you instantly start to feel happy. Your life has made a turn. You have been changed in this process of loss. Expecting from yourself to return into a carefree or untroubled Self from before would not be realistic. Will you find a way forward? Yes. Not only looking forward to the future, you will start planning it. The sadness and pain may still overwhelm you in some instances, but the sharp pain will be gone.
You will be able to anticipate the positive moments in your life and find your joy in experiencing new activities or those that you have thought were long time forgotten.
This state doesn't mean approval of your reality. It has to come really for yourself and not for the environment who may be pressing on you to heal your wounds faster. Accepting it from within is a sign of your personal healing. It is true that some people cannot reach this stage for years, or even a lifetime. While it does get better, it may still be painful sometimes, and sadness can still overwhelm you. But we all notice the pain less sharp, and the periods of sadness, even though for some still quite frequent, triggered by different events, leaving much faster than at the beginning. Their frequency and strength become much like a low tide at the sea.
You don't have to make yourself be or feel something that you don't feel just because of the pressure that other people impose on you. When you let yourself to genuinely feel all the sad moments, it will be you, genuinely growing out of the sharp pain that your loss had created. You loved, and your pain is inevitable, but after you've given it all to suffering, your clouds will rise and disappear. You will become more hopeful and determined to mingle with some moments of joy.
Today you may not believe it, but give yourself time and see. Each one of us is different and there is no rule that will work equally for all. You are the one who knows yourself best and you have to choose the ways that may suit you best.
The joy of life is not lost forever. It will be a different kind of joy and always marked with a shade of your significant loss, but it will be genuine and worth living it, too. The painful experience of your loss can lead to the positive outcomes and resilience, our positive capacity to cope with future adversities.
How about sending a comment? I'd like to hear about your point of view, your experience after loss.